Taking Care of That Kid Blacking Out at the Frat

There comes a time in everyone's college experience when your friend will get blackout drunk at a party (and it will be your responsibility to take care of them). To be the best friend you can, you want to make them feel as better as you can. While it's never going to be sunshine and rainbows for them, you can do a few things to make their life easier.

Today, Bert needs to take care of his friend Jerry at a party, and we're going to learn what Bert can do to be the best friend he can be for Jerry now.

This is Bert.

Bert is about to go to his first college party with his friend, Jerry.

(Little does he know, Jerry is gonna black out.)

Approx. time: 1:30am.

This is Jerry. He’s laying on the frat bathroom with his own puke all over his face (ew).

Jerry was straight up not thriving. At all.

Once Bert found Jerry, he realized Jerry really needed his help.

So what should Bert do for Jerry???

First, Bert needs to make sure Jerry is in the right place to throw up.

Throwing up will likely make Jerry feel significantly better, so it’s good for him to let it out. But letting it out in the wrong places can cause A LOT of trouble. (No one wants to be the guy who threw up in the sink or on the couch….c’mon now…)

Toilets, trash bags, and plastic bags are all great options.

Next, Bert needs to get Jerry some food and water.

Food will reduce the absorption rate of the alcohol, which will result in reduced levels of blood alcohol concentration.

Drinking plenty of water will help Jerry’s liver metabolize the alcohol in his body. (Alcohol is also dehydrating, so staying hydrated is a good idea even if you’re not blackout.)

Carb-heavy foods (bread, crackers, pasta, etc.) are typically easy for your body to digest, so Bert should try to find some of those.

Now, Bert needs to collect all of Jerry’s valuables.

Jerry waking up in the morning unable to find his phone, wallet, or keys will not help anyone and can be super frustrating.

Bert needs to ensure that Jerry is leaving with the important items he came with.

Finally, Jerry needs Bert’s help getting home safely.

Bert should either help Jerry call a car or walk him home himself. Leaving Jerry to fend for himself and find home in his condition will not result in anything good.

In the end, Jerry will likely feel horrible in the morning. But the most important thing is that Jerry will have gotten home safely and will wake up with all his valuables still with him.

Jerry will likely spend the next morning telling people he will “never touch alcohol again,” but that’s a complete lie. (There’s another frat party tomorrow, and he’s gonna go.)

As long as Jerry follows better drinking habits, he hopefully won’t need Bert to take care of him again soon.