The Perils of Settling into College

For some, college is an exciting place full of fresh starts and new terrains to explore. But the first quarter or semester (and sometimes more) can be pretty rocky for others. Figuring out how to navigate the beginning of college can be a difficult task. Being far from home, away from family and friends, and having to start fresh in a new environment can be pretty overwhelming.

I had a tough first quarter of college. I grew up in Manhattan, New York City, where one of my parents lives, and attended high school in South Korea, where my other parent lives. Both of these places became my homes, and when I moved to California to attend UC Santa Barbara in the fall, I was far away from both homes and from my family. I had friends in both places with whom I was separated. Going to UC Santa Barbara was a big adjustment for me. Not only location-wise, but I had consistently grown up going to smaller private schools. This was my first time attending a large state school (and for me, it was LARGE).

At first, I felt very lost and alone. It wasn't necessarily that I wasn't meeting new or kind people. I just didn't feel like I was meeting my people. My usual extroverted self turned inwards, and I primarily began to focus on my studies and keep to myself. My introductory courses didn't particularly stimulate or interest me, and I became bored and unhappy. Although many pass off boredom as a childish problem, prolonged stages of boredom can take meaningful tolls on both your physical and mental health. With a few more variables also taking tolls on my emotional stability, my mental health took a steep decline and I fell into one of the darkest headspaces I had ever been in.

I have often found that most peoples' accounts of their move to college tend to be cheerful—full of fun, perfect new friends, a new free lifestyle—the cliche American collegiate experience. I only felt more alone when I couldn't seem to find anyone else who was in a similar position to me.

But once I got through it and brought my head back above water, I started talking to more of my older friends about what I was going through. To my surprise, many of my friends were going through similar tribulations. The most extroverted of people were staying home and couldn't find a solid group of friends they enjoyed spending time with. The most confident people were beginning to tread slowly and carefully, unsure of how to navigate their new world. Even the healthiest people were starting to slack when it came to taking care of themselves. Every adolescent knows that social media is fake and that they shouldn't always believe what they see. But not everyone truly internalizes that, especially when it comes to their closer peers.

I wanted to share some of the struggles I faced and how I started to get through them.

The first thing I did was reconnect with my psychiatrist. My mental health had taken a massive hit, and I knew I needed help. If you find your mental health declining, you must seek help and support. Friends and family are always fantastic resources. However, sometimes, we need more professional help, and it is important that you reach out and get what you need to take care of yourself. I would not have been able to start getting better without my psychiatrist's help. We figured out everything happening to me had created the perfect storm, and I had fallen into a long, unmedicated manic episode. Medication was vital for me to start feeling myself again. Often, people think they aren't going through "enough" to seek professional help. But the reality is that everyone handles different problems in their own way. Listen to how you feel and act based on that. There is no problem too little to justify needing an extra hand. Although I needed medication, getting professional help doesn't always involve getting medicated. Talking to a professional could entail general counseling, which can help some just as much.

The second thing I did was to take steps to find people that I related more to and felt more myself around. Being a state school, UC Santa Barbara is a relatively homogenous community. However, I was determined to find people I could connect with more deeply. A great way to start doing this is by joining clubs, groups, or associations that align with your interests or facets of your identity. Making a few friends in your classes can be a great start. Still, not only can that be difficult in larger schools where lectures are comprised of hundreds of people, but at least in the lower-level introductory classes, you are less likely to sit next to someone who shares similar interests with you. I started by volunteering for an organization called SciTrek. We went to middle and high school science classrooms and walked them through educational modules, running experiments with the students to teach them new concepts. When joining new activities or groups, you should always show great passion and interest in whatever you choose to do. It can open up many new and exciting opportunities! After volunteering for a little while, I was invited for an interview as a candidate to join the research group behind SciTrek. Once I joined the group, I was surrounded by people with similar interests. Academics were important to all of them, but we also all had a shared passion—making science education accessible and fun for classrooms around our area. We all wanted to do our best to help the kids.

Building connections with people is a two-way street. While meeting them is the first step, continuing to reach out and make plans with them is vital to building relationships with them. Make sure to step outside of your comfort zone and do your best to reach out to people. Everyone is in the same boat! Everyone wants to make friends, everyone is trying to navigate their way through the new terrain, and everyone is starting from square zero. As cheesy as it sounds, home is truly where your people are. While college may not immediately feel like your new home, surrounding yourself with people you feel connected with will begin to make it a more comfortable place to stay.

All this being said, it is important to connect with a variety of people. Although it is helpful to find people who share similar interests or intersections of identity, be sure not to discount people just because you do not relate to them. Some friendships blossom between people of polar opposites. Balance and variety are always important in every part of life, and the people you surround yourself with are no exception.

Not only did the research lab allow me to find more people that I connected with, but it also allowed me to break my routine. Going to college and only attending lectures (especially introductory ones) can be under-stimulating and redundant. The lab allowed me to work on something I was passionate about. The problem-solving I had to do weekly stimulated me more than any of my classes, and I began having fun.

Not everyone will find their place in a research lab, but the principle stays the same. By joining a group that engages in activities that interest you, you find more people you can connect with and give yourself an opportunity to have more fun. College parties are all the rage, but when it comes down to it, there needs to be something more substantial than just parties that you can find fun in, whether it be the film club, the fashion club, student government, a research lab, or anything more, it's essential to build up a variety of things to fit into your schedule so that you can meet different people and keep yourself stimulated.