Socializing in College 101
This is Bert.
Bert just moved into college and he’s excited to make some new friends! He even wore his I love friends shirt to make him seem approachable!
A big part of settling into college is meeting people with whom you connect and have fun. Moving away from family and old friends can be super isolating. It can take a significant toll on people, not to mention moving into a new, unfamiliar environment. However, exploring unknown terrain with new friends can make it seem more manageable! Growing up with the same people in your school can sometimes dull your social skills, and it’s important to remember how to reach out to people and connect with them. Today, we will follow Bert and see his mistakes and what he can do next.
Bert was having some trouble making friends.
Instead of holding normal conversations and being himself, Bert was trying too hard to seem cool. People didn’t seem to want to hang out with Bert.
His shirt wasn’t really working…
Soon Bert was feeling pretty isolated.
He wasn’t connecting with anyone at his college, and he wasn’t getting many texts from his friends back home—they were all distracted with making their own new friends.
Soon it felt like everyone else had found their perfect friend group and Bert was the only one who hadn’t made close friends yet.
Bert didn’t go outside anymore. He felt like he didn’t have anyone to hang out with.
Soon Bert was living on microwavable food.
He didn’t even feel like he could leave to go to the dining hall because he thought it would be embarrassing to sit alone.
(Bert doesn’t particularly like microwavable food.)
So what should Bert do now? He feels everyone has already solidified their friend groups and has no room for him anywhere. (First of all, this is entirely false. Most people are always looking to make new friends. Second, the friend groups people make in the first few months of college rarely last. There is always more time to meet new people). But before Bert can make new friends, he has to brush up on some social skills.
Bert has to learn how to hold a conversation.
Bragging about yourself (like Bert did when he first arrived at college) will not result in a lengthy conversation that will connect you with the other person. Learn to ask leading questions that help you get to know each other better and allow the other person to continue the conversation.
Learn how to maintain relationships! Keep reaching out to the people you meet.
Expressing further interest in getting to know people and keeping in contact is super important. Hanging out with them more allows you guys to get closer and shows them that you care about building a relationship with them. No one wants to feel like their new friend doesn’t care about them, so go ahead and reach out!
Okay, so now Bert has some fundamental social skills. But where is he going to use them? College is a big place, and it can be hard to figure out how to meet new people sometimes. Here are some tips that Bert has for meeting new friends.
Make friends in your classes!
Remember that everyone is in the same boat. Everyone is trying to make new friends, so it won’t be awkward if you introduce yourself to the person next to you in class. They might even become a study buddy, which can be really helpful in some courses!
Meet your neighbors!
Since everyone is trying to make new friends, your neighbors will appreciate you reaching out. Having friends living so close to you is also fun because it makes it easy to hang out! It also gives you a support system nearby if you are ever having a rough time.
Join clubs!
Clubs are a great way to meet other people with similar interests as you. Bert bonded with this new guy, Ned, over their love of aquatic life! The college has a WIDE variety of clubs to choose from. From professional development clubs to clubs supporting certain hobbies to clubs about ethnic identity, you are sure to find someone you relate to and connect with in some college clubs.
*(not only is this a great way to meet people but clubs can be a great way to show your passions on your resume)*
If you are ever feeling discouraged, like it is too late to make new friends, and that you have already missed out on the period in which everyone forms friend groups, remember that there is no such thing as too late to make friends. Every semester (or quarter), people want to make new friends in their classes and clubs! I had a rough start to college. Because of some mental health troubles, I couldn’t properly socialize and meet new people until the end of the second quarter (and more so towards the beginning of the third quarter). Although it felt daunting and isolating at times, I ended up finding people that I truly enjoyed the company of and connected with, even though I started meeting people towards the middle and end of the year. Stay positive and make a reasonable effort! Most people likely won't come knocking at your door asking to be friends (besides neighbors), and it will take a bit of effort on your part to meet new people. Making friends is a two-sided effort, and you must do your part.
